Memoir of my relationship with running

We're running 20 miles (the longest run in our training) on Saturday and I am really nervous for it.

I have a love-hate relationship with my running.

On the one hand, I love how it makes me feel, I love how I'm usually the only one out running at the crack of dawn, I love feeling sore because I know my muscles are getting stronger, I like the fact that I get tone and am able to fit into all my "skinny" clothes, running is a me thing- I've always loved doing it, and I love that it is sometimes the ONLY time that I get to spend with my husband because of the fact that we are going in different directions most of the time.

On the other, I hate waking up so early especially when Chloe decides she's not into the whole sleeping through the night thing, I must have been nuts thinking I could run a marathon 8 1/2 months after giving birth, I cannot run at night and if I do---I hate my life and my stomach hates me too--so only early mornings for me, sometimes I'm finished running my mileage before the sun has come up, I have aches and pains that I've never experienced before, and honestly, it is a lot of hard work.

But I love it all the same. I've been training for the St. George Marathon and have had tears, felt amazing, felt not-so-amazing, and then felt like superwoman. I ran it twice before I was married and loved every minute of it, so it only made sense to do it again. Since being pregnant, on bed rest, NICU baby, and then post-baby recovery I have NOT felt like myself. The only thing I kept telling Lance through our whole experience is that I just want to feel like myself again. Not just mentally, but physically. I think I've finally reached that point. It's taken a lot of hard work and I guess to some I may seem crazy, but to myself running puts me back into my sense of normalcy again. I have time to think about things and it helps me to be just a happy, easy-going, healthier, and organized self. I missed myself and it feels really great to be back.

See you at the end of my 26.2 in October. It should be interesting, to say the least.