Meet our new baby girl...

Chloe Elizabeth Clemons
born January 18, 2010
3 lbs. 7 oz. 16 inches long

morning after she was born:



She decided that she was tired of waiting to come meet us and graced us with her presence 10 weeks early! I am biased, but I think she is the most beautiful, perfect, sweet baby girl I have ever seen! She is going to be in the NICU probably until her due date (March 26), but is doing beautifully!

Many of you may not know the whole birth story. Or you may have heard small snippets here and there, so I am going to try to tell it as best I can. It's kind of a long story. It was probably one of the most stressful, traumatic days I have ever had.

I had been on bed rest for 2 months. We went to our 28 week doctors appt and he decided that there was no reason to keep me on bed rest anymore. He said that I could do whatever I felt like doing. This included being able to travel (as long as it wasn't to the middle of no where). Lance and I had been having cabin fever because of the fact that I wasn't allowed to leave the house and decided that we would go to Cedar City for MLK weekend to visit my grandparents. My parents and brothers came up from Las Vegas to meet up with us. Lance went snowboarding with my brothers and I was figuring out Chloe's blessing dress with my mom and grandma (we are having it made from my grandma's wedding dress...so beautiful!). Anyways, I didn't feel well on Sunday and felt like my stomach was just stretching a lot. I woke up early on Monday morning with excruciating pains in my lower abdomen. I tried different sleeping positions, walking, cold pack, heating pad, tried to just do homework to let time pass, and went to the bathroom, but none of these things relieved my pain for even a moment. After a couple hours, my grandma and I decided that I should wake up Lance and then he and I decided that we should call our doctor. In speaking to the doctor, he said that some women feel labor the way that I was describing and that we should probably go to the hospital just to make sure everything was ok. So, around 7:30am we woke up my parents and told them we were going to the hospital. My pains were getting worse and worse by this time.

So, we got to the hospital (me, Lance, my mom and dad) and they hooked me up to all the monitors, where we discovered that I was having contractions about 2-3 min apart. They called the on-call doctor...who was seriously heaven sent, Dr. Heath...and he wanted them to start me on Terbutaline. This is the first step to stop labor, being I was only 30 weeks 3 days along. The nurses would not check my dilation until the doctor got there because of my cerclage (the stitches keeping my cervix closed). The doctor got there after I had been given the Terbutaline, checked me, and discovered that I was dilated to a 7 with my cerclage still in! This is NOT good because it was beginning to tear my cervix and if it did tear, we would not be able to have any more children...EVER. Dr. Heath immediately removed the cerclage and announced that we were going to have a baby today. The rest of the day feels somewhat like a dream. I remember feeling scared, shocked, and stressed out. This is not what I had planned.

Dr. Heath called the NICU transport team from St. George and hoped that I could hold off until they got there so that they could take care of the baby. There is no NICU in Cedar City. Definitely NOT what we had planned or wanted. I was given an epidural, although, not very much because my blood pressure was so low from the Terbutaline. I could feel everything. Another hour or so passed, the NICU team got there and then it was time to push. Besides me, Lance, and my parents, there were 3 people from the NICU team, the pediatrician, 2 respiratory therapists, 3 labor and delivery nurses and the doctor in the room. It was crazy how many people that were there. After about 15-20 min of pushing, she came out. She pinked right up and was crying the smallest cry I had every heard. They took her over to the corner of the room to work on her. It was awful. I didn't even get to see her. I didn't get to hold her. NOTHING. Having a baby is supposed to be a happy, joyous, and spiritual occasion...none of those, in our case, did we actually feel because of how stressful everything was.

They brought her over to my bed so I could see her for a minute and then took her out of the room. We had arrived at the hospital, thinking it was nothing, around 8:30 and she was born at 1 pm. After they worked on her and hooked her up to machines for transport, they brought her into my room for a few minutes. I have no idea what they said to me, all I remember is crying and thinking...can this really be happening to us? She was then transported, by plane, to Utah Valley Regional (in Provo) to the NICU. Lance left shortly after her to drive up here and meet them at the hospital. I was left in Cedar City. My dad stayed with me until they released me the next morning and then drove me back to Provo. The whole car ride I kept asking him if yesterday actually happened. I knew that my body felt like I had just had a baby, but my brain wasn't quite with the program yet.

We got to the hospital on Tuesday night and I saw her for the first time, for real. I just remember crying and thinking how sorry I was that she had to be here right now. I wished that I was still pregnant. I wished that she didn't have to be on the breathing machines or receive the multiple antibiotics or get poked with needles so much. I blamed myself. I am the mom and I am supposed to protect her and keep her safe and I couldn't do that. All I thought of that whole first week was, it's not fair. It's not fair that this is what we have to endure. I couldn't even look at other babies without starting to cry. Especially when I saw the hospital staff wheeling out a new mom with her perfect baby in her arms to their car. That made me sick to my stomach because that will not be me.

Well, it's now been a few weeks since that time and I'm becoming more comfortable with our normal. Our normal is to go to work and school and then go to the hospital. We do not even have dinner items at our house (because we eat at the hospital). The NICU is kind of like a roller coaster. One day Chloe will be doing awesome and make great progress and then the next we take a step back in the other direction. Two steps forward, one step back. That is just how it goes.

Chloe, though, is making amazing progress. She is currently 33 weeks and a few days of (gestational) development and 4 lbs. 1 oz. Everything in the NICU goes by her gestational development, not her actual birth date. She is breathing on her own and will be off of all her antibiotics this week (which mean they will take out her IV)! We celebrate the removal of each tube and wire. We are going to try to start breastfeeding this week, so hopefully that will go ok. Everyone at the NICU keep telling us, "From a NICU point-of-view, she is doing awesome!" Which is very comforting. She already looks so different than when she was first born and I love noticing new things about her everyday. I am feeling better emotionally, although some days are better than others, and know that as we continue to progress that I will understand why we were chosen for this challenge and embrace it.

Two weeks old:


There are a few blessings about having a baby in the NICU (and we're looking for every one we can):
1. I will be 100% recovered physically by the time she comes home and will be able to carry her out of the hospital myself (not ride in a wheelchair).
2. Chloe will already be on somewhat of a feeding schedule. She is fed at the same time every day without fail and will most likely continue on that same schedule when she comes home.
3. They are teaching us how to be parents. We get all different kinds of training and I feel like we won't have to do sooo much trial and error with her (although I'm sure there will still be plenty).
4. We will know her sleeping schedule (or at least somewhat know it).
5. No umbilical cord care (it's already off and taken care of).
6. They will not let her come home until she is absolutely ready and we're absolutely ready. We are ok with her being there as long as she needs to. I would not feel comfortable bringing her home now. She is just so little and fragile!

I think chose to write this blog post more for me than for others. It's been therapeutic to share my experience and feelings. Apparently Heavenly Father thought that we needed to learn patience because now we're just waiting to be able to bring her home and actually begin the journey of being parents. I have come to realize that life doesn't always happen the way you plan, and so it is best to be able to adapt to new experiences and go with the flow. Right now, I am just so grateful that she made it here safe and sound and trying remember all of the blessings that we have. She is such a sweet and gentle spirit and I can tell that there are going to be great things in store for our little lady bug. AND it will be an even more joyous occasion when we get to bring her home because of the journey that we've been on.


Almost 3 weeks old: